HelpingOthersHelpThemselves

Counseling, Coaching, Psychology, Therapy

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Covert Depression – Male Depression


Silver Girl

Abusive Relationships and Covert (Male) Depression

The majority of men experience depression very differently to women. Some signs being issues with emotional intimacy, self medicating (drinking, drugging, womanizing), acting out, lashing out, dominance, aggression.

25 Ways to Man Up (via Chad Howse Fitness)

Often in abusive relationships both are partners are depressed, one overtly and the other covertly.

Covert depression is the tendency to externalize their depression by acting out in ways (drugs, alcohol, rage etc) that prevent them from internalizing it and feeling it more directly.

The capacity to externalize pain protects some people from feeling depressed, but it does not stop them from being depressed; it just helps them to disconnect further from their own experience.

Author Terence Real of the book ‘I Don’t Want To Talk About It’ says ‘From a purely psychological perspective we must understand that internalized pain and externalized pain are two faces of the same experience…..in short Men will usually find ways…

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Early Childhood Stress and Depression


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Soulmates, Past Life Relationships and Addictions


Silver Girl

Soulmates

In my life I’ve been involved in quite a few intense relationships and I would say I’ve had a few past-life relationships which made me face up to a lot of deep-rooted issues. A lot of the time, people confuse soulmates, past-life connections and addiction.

If that sounds a bit dramatic, read on.

There are people that we have relationships with where tell ourselves that we’re in love and that we’ve met our soul mate because we’re thinking about that person all the time or tuning into their feelings when actually what we’re dealing with is a kind of addiction. You know that you’re dealing with addiction rather than real love when you feel that you simply couldn’t live without that other person and when the thought of being without them is too terrifying to even think about.  That kind of love that actually knocks you off of your path…

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‘In Love’ vs. Love


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How Do I Love Thee?

The Triangular Theory of Love

Throughout our lives, we’ve all been exposed to different types of relationships, both personally and through media. We have acquaintances, coworkers, companions, friends, lovers, wives, husbands, and every combination in between. While all these relationships are important, the people we love tend to have a special place in our hearts and minds.

But even amongst those we ‘love,’ there are a number of different relationships. Some relationships are short, passionate flings based solely on attraction or lust. Others, though lacking in physical attraction, are deep, intimate friendships formed through ongoing interaction and conversation. Others are simple marriages of convenience with a firm commitment, but little passion or intimacy.

Although these relationships might seem to be very different, the people involved might still call the emotion they share ‘love.’ This suggests that we’re using a single term to describe what may…

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What Love Is …


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Conflicting Choices


Silver Girl

The place of “Cognitive Dissonance” in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Understanding Cognitive Dissonance in relation to narcissistic abuse: Stockholm syndrome involves the victim paradoxically forming a positive relationship with their oppressor; this is called “Trauma Bonding”. When victims of narcissistic are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, they are often seen by outsiders as somehow having participated in some bizarre way that seems to support their abuse. However, to understand how the trauma bonding occurs, it is especially relevant to understand what is involved in the decision-making and problem-solving process of the victim. This theory is known as Cognitive Dissonance.

If therapists are to understand the behaviour of clients who have been victims of narcissistic abuse, then it is crucial for them to appreciate why the victim combines the two unhealthy conditions of Stockholm Syndrome and Cognitive Dissonance as part of their survival strategy. When these two strategies are in place, the victim…

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Why You Love Your Abuser..


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Stockholm syndrome, or capture-bonding (trauma-bonding), is a psychological phenomenon in which victims express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their aggressors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness. The FBI’s Hostage Barricade Database System shows that roughly 8% of victims show evidence of Stockholm syndrome.

Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”

One commonly used hypothesis to explain the effect of Stockholm syndrome is based on Freudian theory. It suggests that the bonding is the individual’s response to…

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Prince ‘Harming’ Syndrome


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Prince Harming Syndrome

By Karen Salmansohn 30th July 2014

About a decade ago, I became involved with a guy I jokingly referred to as “a Romantrix.” Don’t bother Googling that term. I made it up to describe someone who dominates you so much with hot pursuit, that romance is inevitable.

This particular Romantrix inundated me with love letters, flowers, candle-lit dinners, and continuous promises to love me forever.

I eventually discovered he was cheating. He was more than a two-timer. He was a three- and four-timer. So all that intense pleasure from the beginning of our relationship quickly led to lots of pain. Shortly after our break-up, I discovered a fascinating article in the New York Times about the psychology of evil.

The article highlighted what it called “The Psychopath Checklist,” a helpful list that criminal psychiatrists use to test the potential of someone being a hardcore psychopath, capable of…

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Damaged People Attract Damaged People


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A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

Healthy people don’t attract predators as partners (damaged people attract damaged people). Healthy people have high self esteem and can see through them – counselling and working on healing your childhood dysfunction and self esteem issues help you heal and attract healthy partners thus breaking the cycle of abuse and changing your dynamics to create a brighter future.

How do we protect ourselves from narcissists if they’re so adept at slipping into our lives unnoticed?

Tread carefully if you catch a glimpse of any of these subtler signs:

1) Projected Feelings of Insecurity: I don’t mean that narcissists see insecurity everywhere. I’m talking about a different kind of projection altogether, akin to playing hot potato with a sense of smallness and deficiency. Narcissists say and do things, subtle or obvious, that make you feel less smart, less accomplished, less competent. It’s as if they’re saying…

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