HelpingOthersHelpThemselves

Counseling, Coaching, Psychology, Therapy

The “saintly” narcissist.


Lucky Otters Haven

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Old Peasant Woman by Paula Modersohn-Becker

Not all narcissists are aggressive. Some are covert, and some use their “goodness” as a weapon. This type of narcissist is usually a woman, often a mother. You know the drill: guilt tripping, “look at everything I’ve done for you,” “look what a wonderful person I am” (implying that you are not), ad nauseam.

I found this letter from a narcissistic mother on an NPD forum. It was an email sent by the forum member’s mother just before she went No Contact. If you read between the lines, this “nice” letter is actually very toxic. The names included in the letter (other family members) have been removed. I think ____ is a Golden Child sister. The recipient is the scapegoat.

Dear ___

I have never said that I expect you & _____ to pay my credit card after I’m gone.

Don’t know where you…

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Don’t Get Stuck In The Past!


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Chronic rage is a trap, not a trophy.


Lucky Otters Haven

rage2

If we are survivors of narcissistic abuse, we are all at different stages of our recovery. If we are just coming out of a relationship with a narcissist or in the process of going No Contact (which is the best gift we can give ourselves), it’s natural to feel anger and even hatred toward our abusers. Our anger overrides the fear they instilled in us and makes it possible for us to take the actions necessary to disconnect from them.

When I started this blog, I too was extremely angry at my narcissists, particularly my psychopathic ex. As an ACON, I railed on about my parents too, particularly my MN mother. Early posts of mine on this blog have a much more bitter and angry tone than my more recent posts, some of which attempt to understand why my narcissists did what they did to me and about what makes…

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Down to earth – photopoetry #haiku


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Never underestimate the power


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Narcissist Abuse: Being hooked by the Illusion


The Online Therapist

As humans, we have a never-ending ability to see the good in others. We forgive, we forget, we give the benefit of the doubt. Admirable as these qualities are, it might sometimes leave us with a lack of objectivity. The objectivity we need to make decisions. In the case of relationships, we can react appropriately if there is enough evidence in front of us…physical abuse, infidelity, neglect are all good signs that we should get away quickly. However, anyone who has become involved with a narcissist will know that these signs are not evident and if they are,  often we cannot see the wood for the trees. If you are currently in this situation, please feel free to book a free, no-obligation 60 minute session with me  HERE

When you first become involved with a narcissist, the world could not seem a better place. That broken road you have been…

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A thought for today..


Run. Ride. Eat.

image

It can be that simple.

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~ Quote of the Day ~


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Narcissism is not Egomania


The Individual and his Journey

Narcissism is often used as a misnomer to describe what actually is egomania in popular culture, in particular, I have heard Russell Brand regard himself as a Narcissist a few times.  Russell, you’re not a narcissist.  You’re an egomaniac.  But the two are actually very different.  Egomania is a genuine obsession with the self, the promulgation of the self, and the advancement of the self to the exclusion of all else.  The fundamental different is egomaniacs actually do have high self-esteem, to the point of delusion, unlike narcissists who have cripplingly low self-esteem, which they seek to mask beneath a façade of success, but is in the case of the narcissist compensatory.  As such narcissism and egomania are not synonymic but antonymic. Egomaniacs an endure extraordinary hardship and opprobrium and remain mostly unaffected.  Most spiritual leaders fit the definition; most prominent personalities fit the definition.  It’s largely evolutionarily advantageous.  The…

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